By Evang. Bright & Ndidi Eke
God is sick of seeing hurting and divorced couples.. The scriptures described divorce as cruelty. Hence, while you are desiring to go into marriage. It is important that you have a picture of the kind of marriage you desire. Then you shape or transform and prepare yourself in a way to reproduce that picture in your dream marriage. This will position your heart to seek the face of God in prayers for your dream marriage to be a reality because it can only be by grace and mercy. You will need to pray asking God to shape the life and character of your Mr or Mrs Right to fit into your dream marriage. Waiting for the arrival or appearance of Mr/Mrs Right without preparations and with no dreams is to prepare for trouble. Where there is no vision the people perish. When two people go into marriage without the vision of harmony, they will turn that marriage into a “house of disaster.”
As you plan to go into marriage, you should make up your mind to do the following:
LEAVE FATHER AND MOTHER.
The Scriptures said, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave with his wife.” To leave your father and mother means to prove that you are mature and responsible enough to handle marital responsibilities without becoming a burden to your parents. If you carry your father and mother into your marriage, you cause troubles. To ‘Leave father and mother’ means you should not carry your newly married wife into a shared apartment, family house where one or the other members of your family are living. Leave your father and mother means
that you have learnt through the marriage manual – the Bible, what it takes to care and love the fellow you will marry more than you love yourself. It means that you should not empower your siblings to control or molest your spouse. It means that you are to make up your mind to drop all ex. and all soul mates since you did not marry them at last. And never be their counsellors or their confidants, if not your marriage may be negatively impacted. If you carry them into your marriage then you set your marriage ablaze.
DISCIPLINE YOURSELF ON THE USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA.
While you are thinking about marriage discipline yourself on the use of social media. You may start now. If not it can create problem in your marriage. So many marriages today scattered because of unwise use of
social media. However, it is slavery for a man to use all his powers to stop his wife from social media while he is glued to it. Social media can be used positively or negatively. It all depend on your mindset and your purpose of use. But where it is obviously causing problems in your marriage wisdom demands you put an end to it. The salvation of your marriage is better than the stubborn use of social media.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS.
While you are thinking about marriage make up your mind to control your emotions. You can start now to train and discipline yourself. There are lots of marriages that delved into divorce today because of untamed emotions. Learn to be patient, tame your anger or your temper and control your passions. Make your mood swing to death, kill depression, bring your aggression under control. Do not allow your expression of joy make you careless or make you lack discretion. Do not allow your emotional distress control the way you talk and express your feelings, that is a sign of immaturity.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO BECOME A VACUUM FILLER.
While you are thinking of marriage make up your mind to be a vacuum filler and not a vacuum destroyer. You are going into a life to fill the vacuum in that life and not to use the vacuum in the person to destroy him or her. You should understand that the person you want to marry has some vacuum – weaknesses and inabilities in him or her. Those weaknesses or inabilities are not there for you to use as an advantage over or for you to convert into a weapon to destroy him or her, but it is meant for complement. If you
can’t tolerate the person’s weaknesses/inabilities and if you can’t complement him or her, then there is no need marrying the person.
DEVELOP POSITIVE TRAITS
Make up your mind to develop and to display positive or godly traits like tolerance, endurance, kindness, goodness, patience, self control, forgiveness, etc. So that you can express it in your marriage. Start now to develop it. You can only give what you have. Developing these inside marriage is not easy. And to run a marriage without these traits from both the man and his wife is to turn the marriage to a battle ground or a den for the act of wickedness.
MAKE YOUR SPOUSE’S INTEREST YOUR TOP PRIORITY
While you are thinking about marriage make up your mind that when you marry you will not be self centred or selfish but you will do all to please your spouse and you will make your spouse’s interest your top priority. Understand that in marriage, you think of how to make your spouse happy around you. You also think of how to give your spouse peace of mind and create a harmonious atmosphere around your home as if it depends on you for the marriage to work.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO MAKE SACRIFICE.
Make up your mind to make sacrifice and not to be a deity. A deity eats sacrifice. To be a deity means you are not ready to make sacrifice but when your partner makes it you enjoy it. Sacrifice attracts pains and it is necessary in marriage. There are some people that can’t bear little pains, lose some rights or endure some discomfort for the benefit of their spouses or marriages. Some can’t sacrifice their time, their pleasures, their energy for the sake of making their spouse happy or saving their marriage. But they will expect their spouse to run around and make all sacrifices to make them happy. The rule of life is to do for others what you want them to do for you. Listen, am not talking about boyfriend and girlfriend relationship (a.k.a Dating and Relationship). So that you don’t allow someone especially of the opposite sex to come into your life in the name of friendship, saying what are friends for. Do not allow such persons to take advantage of your kindness or manipulate your emotions by telling you that a friend in need is a friend in deed and he or she is expecting you to give him or her some treasures, promising to return it back or making you to believe that after-run both of you will marry. Don’t listen to such a person. He or she may be a dubious person or a gold digger. So be careful, many have been defrauded.
However, In marriage, sacrifices are made. There are times you just have to sacrifice your right, your time, your pursuit, your pleasures, your comfort, just for your marriage to move on. Eating sacrifice refers to the act where you don’t make sacrifices but you fight your spouse to make sacrifice so that you can be fine.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO SIT ON THE THRONE OF HIS OR HER HEART.
As you are thinking of going into marriage, make up your mind that you will study your SPOUSE FIRST so as to gain possession of his or her heart instead of fighting to gain space and properties. Prepare to sit in his/her heart as a king/queen before fighting to sit in his house or on his/her account as a queen/king. Understand that their is a PRE – MARRIAGE and a POST- MARRIAGE study of the person you plan to marry. But have the knowing that the purpose of the study is to build harmony in your marriage and not to defraud your spouse or turn your marriage to a wrestling or boxing ring.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO RUN YOUR MARRIAGE ACCORDING TO BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES.
Now that you are thinking or planning about marriage, make up your mind that when you marry you will run your marriage according to Bible instructions. Study Biblical rules for bliss in marriage now, don’t wait till you are married. Make up your mind that you and the fellow you want to marry will attend marriage counselling before you marry, don’t despise it. In the multitude of counselling their is safety. Any man who is not teachable, who tells you ‘what will they teach me, are they going to tell me how to marry my wife’ is a danger waiting to happen. Any woman who is unwilling to submit must be another Jezebel.
DECIDE TO BUILD A GODLY FOUNDATION
Before you go into that marriage, make up your mind that both of you will not create an opening for the devil into your marriage by laying a faulty foundation. This implies committing any form of sin before your wedding. If there is insincerity, immorality, fornication, consulting oracles whether in the shrine or elsewhere, pretense, to mention a few, then you have build a faulty foundation and that marriage may not last.
BEGIN TO WORK ON YOUR WEAKNESSES
Now that you are thinking or planning to marry, make up your mind to begin to work on your weaknesses. Nobody will take you as you are. God may allow you to come to him
as you are, but he will not tolerate you remaining as you are. So, start now to kill the works of the flesh manifesting in you. For example; Anger, bitterness, malice, adultery, fornication, party spirit, drunkenness, slander, evil speaking, etc. (Galatians 5:19-21). Learn to kill greed. Be satisfied with what you have. Don’t be a beggar or a borrower. Be industrious. Use people around you who hurt you, people who make you angry all the time, people who provoke you, people who talk down on you, who tell you the truth about your weaknesses. People you feel that they want to use you and those you complain about that they maltreat you. Use them to work on your weaknesses, your reactions and your attitudes and to learn how to handle difficult people. These people are the good instruments you need to reform yourself and turn your weaknesses to strength. Do not run from them but use them to transform your character. Use them to train your heart against malice, bitterness, anger, quarreling, etc. Use them to build your shock absorber. These people are God’s furnace to bring out the gold in you. They are the instrument God wants to use to prepare you and destroy some bad traits in you.
DECIDE NOT TO BE A LIABILITY AND IRRESPONSIBLE.
While thinking about going into marriage, make up your mind not to be a liability to your spouse or an irresponsible person in your marriage. Develop yourself, go back to school if need be. Go to catering school, learn a craft or a business. As a man learn and have different streams of incomes so that you won’t be devastated because you lost your job or your business isn’t moving as expected. When money is flowing decide to take care of your wife whether she is work or not. Decide to take care of your children and be a responsible father and husband. Many men lost their self esteem because money was not flowing into their hands anymore as they expected. If they weren’t responsible to their wife and children when money was flowing by default or self intuition, they begin to feel that they wives will maltreat them. Some will then became insecure and hostile to their wives to retain their authority. While some women took advantage of their husband’s financial fall to intimidate them. Such behaviours are against divine purposes.
BE DOMESTICATED
While thinking about marriage make up your mind to be domestically good. Start now and equip yourself, learn how to cook, especially as a lady because it is your duty to keep your home. So build it up now while waiting to be married. Some ladies are strong when it comes to office work but domestically lazy.
Men should understand that the kitchen is their wives’ office. A man quarrelled with his wife just for disposing crayfish dust that she felt has some sand in it. This is nothing but interfering with her office responsibilities.
As a man, it is good if you learn to wash cloths, learn how to cook and keep your environment clean. This is just to add fun to the atmosphere of your marriage. You can help your wife in the domestic chores, you may tell her what you want and not to control her on her office duties. If your wife should join to make money with you for the good of the home, if both of you had sex together in making the children, then it can only be fun if you join hands with your wife on domestic chores. Doing things together with your spouse adds sweetness to the union.
Understand that marriage requires physical strength, emotional strength, spiritual strength, psychological strength, and health strength, hence when you marry make up your mind to boost your spouse’s strength.
CREATE TIME FOR FUN WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Now that you are planning for marriage, you must make up your mind to create time to care, to stay with, play with, provide for your spouse and family when you marry. No matter how tight your schedules are, create time for your spouse and family. Let them be happy having you as their own. Make up your mind to give your spouse and your family the best of yourself, the best of your energy, the best of your time, the best sex, the best of your treasures and of your affection. This creates bonding and health in marriage. Some people give the best of their fund, energy, time and their physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual strength to outsiders and to their vocations but they bring back their remains for their spouses and families to manage. Sometimes, it is hostility they bring into their marriage for their spouse to manage. Such lifestyle is wickedness.
MEN MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO LOVE YOUR WIFE.
Listen men, while thinking and praying about the lady you will marry, make up your mind now to love the lady when you eventually make her your wife and never to be another Pharaoh to her. Make up your mind to love her according to God’s instructions and in God’s own way, whether she deserves it or not. There is transformation power in love. But you need to understand what love is in the language of your wife else you become miserable. You may feel you love your wife
and your wife is saying you hate her. The reason is that you don’t understand your wife’s love language.
LADIES MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO RESPECT AND SUBMIT TO THE MAN YOU DECIDED TO MARRY.
Ladies praying for the right husbands. Before he arrives, make up your mind to be respectful. It is part of good character. Begin now to learn it. Your husband is not meant to earn it. It is your responsibility to give it to him. Creating reasons to disrespect your husband will only breed violence. You are to respect your husband in righteousness or in Christ because you are judged by God based on what you did not on the bases of who made you to do what you did.
LEAN TO SAY, “I AM SORRY”
While waiting to be married, make up your
mind to learn how to give “I am sorry,” and how to accept “I am sorry.” This can promote harmony in marriage. If you say am sorry, it only show you are mature, responsible, a lover of peace and someone who respects his or her marriage. Sometimes, am sorry may not mean you are guilty but that you don’t want the devil to have a foothold on your marriage. Am sorry does not mean stupidity, it does not mean a sentence to death.
LEARN TO TALK WELL
While waiting for Mr/Mrs Right, learn to talk well. Some people don’t know how to talk. Note that silence causes trouble like not talking well too. In marriage communication which includes talking, is an important factor to consider if that marriage must survive. No relationship survives without good communication skills. To be a non talking
mate is dangerous in marriage. You have to talk and talk well. The Bible said irrespective of your emotional distress you should speak words that can edify and minister grace to your hearer, in this context your spouse. You will be judged by every words that comes out of your mouth. Hostile, cruel words, cursing, insulting and using negative expressions against your spouse is not divinely permitted in marriage.
LEARN NOT TO BE HARSH
While waiting for God to match make you with your rightful spouse, Learn not to be harsh. Harshness leads to wickedness, oppression and harassment. It is not permitted in marriage.
LEARN TO MANAGE YOUR FUND AND MAKE SAVINGS.
Now that you are still waiting to be married, learn to invest and to save something out of the little you earn. Remember you are not Jehova Jireh and you cannot be Jehova Ebenezer to everybody. Don’t let people take advantage of your leniency to make you financially bankrupt. Do not become a prodigal husband or wife who uses the family fund for selfish interest or to chase and nurture home breakers. Think of how to economise the fund in your marriage when you eventually marry and not how to spent it. Think of how to invest it and not which cloth to buy. But work with plans and in agreement with your spouse. I know of a lady that was engaged to be marriage to a young man. They came for our marriage school. She was not ready to learn and take corrections so they stopped attending our marriage school. When both married. She demanded new cloths per week, new hair do per week, remember it includes all to match. Long story made short that marriage scattered because her demands was not friendly to their finance. This does not mean that men should not buy cloths for their wives. Unfortunately, there are men who don’t buy wears for their wives at all, they don’t care. They love other women when they appear sharp and smart but they are not ready to dress their wives. It is not bad if wives should buy wears for their husbands too.
DETERMINE TO DEVELOP YOUR SPIRITUALITY
Now that you are still waiting to be married, learn to develop your faith, develop your prayer life and get results on your own. In marriage; your burdens, battles, concerns, will shift levels and your prayer point will increase. If you don’t develop yourself now, you may not be able to handle battles or
challenges when they show up in your marriage. Your spiritual strength determines which marital battle you can overcome. Make up your mind to build your spiritual life, that is, your relationship with God. This is more than just praying and fasting. It includes: giving your life to Christ as your Lord and saviour, being dead to sin, living a righteous life and being filled in the Holy Spirit. It also includes Knowing your right in Christ, Knowing what the Bible said about you and how you should run your marriage, and being able to hear God clearly.
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?
It is important that you build your spirituality because every man is spiritually controlled and Marriage is a spiritual institution. The Devil is also interested in marriage and there may be challenges that are beyond nature that may come up in marriage. Some
ministers and prophets may add to your problem if you do not know the truth. You may be mislead by prophesies. There are many prophets who are marriage breakers. Fortifying your spiritual life now will help you to handle certain kind of developments in your marriage relationship that are capable of killing your spirituality if care is not taking. So while you are single it is necessary you fortify your spirituality and make up your mind to sustain it after you are married. Building your spiritual life is very important now if you don’t want to be a backslider in your marriage. If you backslide, it will affect your marriage badly. Your spirituality has a way of directing your marriage. You must make up your mind to sustain your spirituality without depending on your spouse.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO WIN THE HEART OF YOUR IN-LAWS
As you are preparing to go into marriage. Make up your mind to win the heart of your in-laws over. Sometimes, it may be difficult but if you make up your mind, you can control every human on your knees, with humility and love. However, you may still need to endure for some time before you conquer. Understand that you are not the one to confront or fight your in-laws. That assignment is supposed to be for your spouse. Remember one day you too will be an in-law.
LEARN TO MANAGE INFORMATION
As you prepare for marriage, make up your mind to learn how to manage information. Make up your mind not to run your marriage with gossip. Some men think that one can’t entrust women with information. As a lady, let your life disprove it. We have men too who lack discretion. They have porous mouth,
licking tongue. If you are such a person, then change now.
BE TRUSTWORTHY AND LEARN TO TRUST
There is no need marrying someone you did not trust. Anyone who cannot be trusted is a fake human being. You should be trustworthy. God cannot give you a fake somebody, so do not do yourself harm by going for a fake person.
On the other hand learn to trust yourself and make up your mind to trust the person you marry. If you decided to marry that lady then trust her. If you can’t trust then don’t marry. To run your marriage without trust is disaster. Also, do not break the trust your spouse has on you. God judges trust breakers
PREPARE TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE.
As you plan to go into marriage, make up
your mind to do everything righteous to keep your marriage. Some people only prepare and plan for divorce even before they go into marriage instead of preparing and planning to keep their marriage. Divorce is not the will of God.
LEARN TO AVOID DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
Remember, it takes two to fight. In marriage you judge yourself first before judging your spouse and when judging, you must use God’s rules not your standards. While you prepare for marriage, understand that in marriage when two are fighting no one is innocent. Everyone contributed something that made the fight to happen. If one person decides not to fight then the fight cannot happen. So if you don’t want the fight, don’t contribute to it. Today, there are lot of issues about domestic violence. Therefore in marriage there is need to develop self control,
emotional control, tolerance and perseverance. Control your temper, control your tongue. Start now to bring yourself under control. The men should understand that terrorising their wives only makes them weak and exposed to God’s wrath. In marriage, to avoid domestic violence understand that you don’t need to be critical. Learn to let go and be flexible. You don’t fight for right in marriage. You don’t become irritable and touchy. There are things you just have to over look. To avoid domestic violence in marriage, you must learn to create room for your spouses offense, short coming, misbehaviour and create room to absorb each other’s differences.
CHECK YOUR FERTILITY STATUS MEDICALLY
As a man or a lady, check up your fertility status once in a time. In case there is need to arrest an infertility issue to avoid pressures when you are now married. A man may have erection but zero sperm count or the sperm cells are without vitality. Take pride away and treat yourself medically. Sexual diseases and infections are not written on anybody’s face. So, check and cleans yourself of any fertility challenge, medically, before going into marriage.
LEARN TO BRING YOUR SEXUAL URGE UNDER CONTROL
While you are preparing for marriage understand that marriage may not prevent adultery. Some people said they want to marry so that they will not go into immorality. Understand that marriage does not keep anyone from immorality though it should. If you have not learnt to control your sexual urge now, you may not be able to control it even in marriage. Your libido may go high and it may go low depending on a lot of factors
when you get married. They only thing that can keep you from immorality is the fear of God, self respect and discipline, love for your spouse and respect for your marriage.
AVOID UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Understand, that marriage is a responsibility. A lot is expected of you. But do not go into marriage with high expectations of your partner. In fact it is wise to go into marriage with zero expectations from your partner, this will make you to celebrate positive surprises from your spouse. Most times expectations put you into aggression and heartbreak when it is like your partner has nothing to put on the table. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.
RESPECT AND DEVELOP GODLY WISDOM TO HANDLE YOUR DIFFERENCES.
While you are planning to go into marriage,
understand that according to God’s design, every person is unique and men have a unique difference from women. Therefore you need to develop the wisdom and the respect to handle your differences in marriage. So, do not expect your partner to think like you, behave like you, act or become proactive like you. Never think that your IQ will be of the same range even if both of you are professors.
MARRIAGE IS NOT A PLACE TO DISPLAY YOUR DEBATING SKILLS.
Understand that marriage is not a place where you come and prove that you are a first class student of law. It is not a place you show case your academic excellence. It is not a place where you sit on the sycamore tree of ego and pride. It is a place of humility. Marriage is not a place where you come and show that you are a great debator and a strong argumentator. As a woman know your limit, know when to argue and when not to argue. Know when to just present your opinion allowing your husband to take the final decision. Ask yourself is this issue consequential or inconsequential before you show your skill as an argumentator.
Marriage with heaven in view ministry
Evang. Bright & Ndidi Eke
08034162980
